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Moving away from home for college can cause a variety of emotions. From being away from home for the first time or interacting with roommates, your students may come to you with some questions. We suggest the following steps for families. 

Listen to your student’s experience without judgement. Allow an opportunity for their concerns to be heard and learn why they may be frustrated.  

Ask “When did the concern start? How long have you been feeling this way?”

Ask “Does your roommate know what is bothering you? Have you talked about it?"

If NO, suggest some strategies for engaging in that difficult conversation with their roommate. 

If it appears your student is hesitant to address the concern, remind them that handling it early can help avoid further frustrations and can prevent any significant disruption to their experience.  

We sometimes find that roommates or suitemates wish to speak on behalf of their friends. We strongly encourage them to speak from their own experience and empower their friends to speak for themselves.  

When experiencing frustrations or obstacles, it can be difficult to remain open-minded and calm. However, encouraging your student to approach situations calmly and to remain open to compromise or difficult dialogue is essential.   

If your student has attempted to resolve the concern themselves, it may be time to ask for assistance from additional resources. We also suggest students reach out to staff when their concerns are disrupting their academic and co-curricular pursuits. Students should begin by contacting their Resident Assistant. Their Area Coordinator can also support their needs. The Office of Residence Life is committed to helping students enjoy residential living. However, we will not intervene or move students (absent an emergency) until we have met and heard all involved students’ concerns.  

There are always Resident Assistants and Area Coordinators available to help students. Please encourage your students to connect with these resources if they are having a difficult time managing their interpersonal relationships with their roommates or their residential experience.  

• Remain accessible and available for your student.
• Remind them that on-campus student resources are here to support their unique needs.
• Encourage their involvement (such as research with faculty, club sports, student organizations, or intramural games)
• Utilize open-ended questions to learn more about their perspectives and experiences.
• Ask questions that will prompt your student to share how comfortable they are in their new environment.
• Solidify a welcoming tone to build and continue productive conversation (focusing, paraphrasing, and reflecting on their feelings).
• Provide feedback to information that may contradict their body language or verbal content. This can cause misunderstanding and obscure the real issue of the message.

Watch for signs or behaviors that don’t seem normal to you. Families can always contact the Dean of Students Office or the Office of Residential Life to share concerns or information with our staff. While our offices will confirm receipt of your concern, a more detailed response is largely dependent on whether your student has completed the FERPA (Federal Education Records Privacy Act) form, providing permission for such information sharing.     

For more information please reach out to DeanofStudents@newhaven.edu